babies were throwing up all over the place
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
