I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
