i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
