I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
