My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
