she was so not down for the gang bang
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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