I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
