That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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