my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
