Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
did i walk over a car last night?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
