my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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