So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
