I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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