There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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