I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Houston, we have a blender
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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