We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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