a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
