Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
