wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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