Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
