I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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