I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
