Tell her she can't have a vagina
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
