Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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