You're so nebulous sometimes
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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