He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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