I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
