I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
