You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Reggie can tackle my bush.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
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dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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