she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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