You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
