you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
