Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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