I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
