my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
