not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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