so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
