i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
