I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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