her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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