you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
