This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
