the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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