sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
