o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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