Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
