Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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