do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
