There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
