Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
