I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
