In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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