I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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