i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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