i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
