Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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