I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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