i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
