I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
