Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
