And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize