my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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