dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
