Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We left the knife in your bed.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
