My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
