Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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