If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
