i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
