I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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