To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize