I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
