my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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