I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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