Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Congratulations! We have a period
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
